


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,113 (Part II)

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [35]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 05:32:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7301431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The satirical saga continues, as Obi-Wan and Chewie do battle with the mighty Bossk, and our heroes run into an old friend of little Annie’s.</p>
<p>www.ramblingsofacrazyoldhermit.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,113 (Part II)

TATOOINE - Day 1,113 (Part II):

Bossk launched a grenade from his mortar gun, and I quickly force pushed it back at him. He dodged it, and the wall exploded behind him. 

I turned to Beru, who was still holding Luke, and screamed, "Run!"

Chewie and Bossk exchanged laser blasts, as I whipped out my saber. Bossk's confidence quickly retreated, and so did he, when he realized he was facing a Wookiee and a Jedi. He fled through the crumbling wall behind him. 

Chewbacca and I gave each other a knowing glance and began our pursuit. Chewie chased him directly through the building, and I leapt up on the roof to follow from above. I could hear the screams of civilians as these two giants crashed through walls and blasted up the place. 

I moved just ahead of the pursuit and found the most likely exit Bossk would take. Jumping off the roof, I hid behind a dewback and waited. As soon as Bossk exited the building, I force threw him across the street and into a landspeeder, causing it to flip over and land on top of him. 

Breathing heavily, Chewie caught up to me. "That lizard douche can run, man."

I nodded in agreement. "It's time to find out how he knew you were here."

To both our surprise the landspeeder, which Bossk had been trapped under, suddenly lifted into the air. The bounty hunter flipped it over, hissed at us with his forked tongue and rode off. 

Without missing a beat, Chewie spun around and knocked a man off a speeder bike, sending him flying down the street and causing him to land in a fruit vendor's cart. 

“Wow, homerun!” I laughed.

Chewie took the controls of the bike, and I hopped on behind him, trying to wrap my arms around his massive and hairy chest. "Hold on, dude," he roared, and we sped off. 

I could see up ahead that Bossk had a small freighter sitting on the outskirts of town. He remotely started its engines, and the ship slowly lifted off the ground. We weren't closing in fast enough. Bossk was going to get away. 

The Trandoshan leapt from the racing landspeeder and onto the ship's loading ramp. "Bossk ssssays, ssssooo long, ssssuckers!" he yelled in his creepy snake-like lisp. 

As we raced underneath the ship I realized it was a lost cause, the freighter was too high for me to make the jump. Chewie had a better idea, and began shooting at it with his bowcaster. He scored a direct hit of the engine, and a plume of black smoke filled the sky. 

The engine whined, trying to overcome the damage, but the Wookiee's bowcaster skills were too great for the small freighter. With a small burst from the thrusters, Bossk's ship shot off into the horizon and then crashed. 

Chewie stopped the speeder bike and we watched the smoke rising off in the distance. "Dude," he said over his shoulder, "I don't think that jerk is dead." 

"Me neither, my furry friend."

I used my comlink to check in with Beru and let her know that we were heading out to find the wreckage. When we located it, there was no sign of Bossk, and no body or footprints leading away from the freighter. 

Returning to Mos Espa, we found Beru and Luke sipping blue milk at an outside cafe. "Did my Jedi stud take care of business?" Beru asked. 

Chewie chuckled, and Luke started repeating, "Stud! Stud! Stud!"

"No Beru, somehow he got away." Then I quieted my mind and considered our next move. "We need to go and have a little chat with a blind Toydarian."

"His eyes are ugly!" Luke laughed. 

We found that winged bastard right where we left him, in an alley stewing in his own filth. 

I dropped a coin in his cup. "What's your name, Toydarian?"

He lifted his head and sniffed around, as if trying to determine how many there were of us. 

Back on Chewie's shoulders, Luke screamed, "Eww, his penis-nose is moving!"

"Enough," Beru said, trying to conceal her grin. 

"Are you here to kill me?" the Toydarian asked in his gravelly voice. 

"I don't know yet," I said, and knelt down to his level. "You did set us up to be killed."

"Ah, I knew nothing of that, outlander. I only told you what I was paid to tell you."

Waving my hand in front of his face I instructed him, "You will tell us everything you know about the bounty hunter Bossk."

"What?" The little alien said, slightly flinching. 

I repeated the instructions. 

"Are you waving your hand in front of my face?" He asked. "Do you think you're some kind of Jedi, or something?"

"The Jedi are all dead," I told him. 

"Well outlander, I knew the most powerful Jedi." He said proudly. 

I looked at Beru, and she shrugged her shoulders. "Oh yeah, who was that?"

"Anakin Skywalker! He was the greatest Jedi who ever lived. And I knew him, I was his...friend." 

It was all coming together now. "You're Watto, aren't you?" I asked. 

"Ok," Watto laughed, "you got me."

I felt some anger and frustration swell within me. "You weren't his friend! You were his slave owner!"

"Oh nonsense," Watto dismissed me. "Little Annie loved working for...I mean, with me."

"Little Annie?" Beru chuckled. "No wonder he went psycho!"

"How is Annie?" Watto sounded genuinely interested. 

"He's turned into a real asshole." I casually informed him. 

"Boy," Watto shook his head, "you think you know somebody. Well, how about that Jedi that tricked me into freeing Annie."

"Dead."

"Oh. How about that beautiful girl that accompanied him?"

"Dead."

"Jeez, tough crowd. How about that Gungan? What was his name?"

"Jar Jar," I smirked, "yeah, he was delicious." 

"Boy oh boy, you’re a real shit magnet, aren’t you?!" Watto said, inching away from me.

"Enough reminiscing," I was growing impatient with him. "What do you know about Bossk?"

"Nothing, I swear!" Watto sounded sincere. "A Trandoshan came up to me the other day, dropped a bunch of credits in my cup and said if any strangers came looking for a Wookiee I should tell them that he was behind the door at the end of the alley. That's all I know."

I stood up and looked at my companions. Luke announced, "He's telling the truth!"

"I think you're right, Luke." I tickled his leg slightly. "You're one smart cookie."

Luke twisted his head, giving me an odd look. "I'm not a cookie, I'm a boy!"

Chewie and Beru snickered in unison. 

"Ok Watto, it seems that we all believe your story, and we will now leave you in peace." I turned away, and we started towards my landspeeder. 

"Hey!" Watto called after us. "If you see Annie, give him my regards!"

"Yeah," I muttered under my breath, "I'll give his something alright."


End file.
